Dumb People

[speedy]

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received
a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not
Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was
standing beside them in the police line, shouting
"Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank
accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the
store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup
to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is
pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger
to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to
keep his hand in his pocket.
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high
desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some
folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No
matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand new 22ft going. It was very sluggish in almost
every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they
putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there
could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside
check revealed everything in perfect working
condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up
and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So,
one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER ...THIS IS TRUE...
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was
the trailer.

[JEN21R]

In Australia, we call these the Darwin awards. Very funny

[CableMonkey]

In Australia, we call these the

...Phone Book

[JEN21R]

that too monkey fucker