Just to prove I used to actually have sex

[WillRiker]

As I feel old now and I'm pretty sure that Kelly has taken a vow of celibacy and just not told me about it, i thought I'd share the lead up to, the stroy and aftermath of the girl I had sex with when my friend walked in on me.

Before I met Kelly I was seeing this girl called Mary whole lived a good way away from me, but as I was getting sex on a fairly regular basis and I was only 18 and she was 16 I didn't mind travelling 2 hours or so by bus to meet up with her.

However, I used to have a really good office job that paid me a whole deal of money for doing not very much really, and this particular night a friend of mines band was playing at a local club. This club sold drinks realllly cheap, and the day of the gig fell on my payday. I went with my mate Ian, (who was later best man at my wedding and had his hair set on fire by Kelly), mainly because i had been madly in love with his sister and thought she was gonna be there that night.

Here is his sister, who incidentally is still one of my best friends only Kelly hates her with a passion because she knows how much I feel for her still.





Anyways, as it turned out Catherine wasn't actually there that night, but we ended up sitting with a group of girls that Ian knew from college. As they were all students and I was working a good paying job and the drinks were cheap I was buying everyone drinks all night, including the band, the bar staff, pretty much everyone.

In the group was a girl called Louise who was really fit but she wasn't as interested in me as I was in her. Her friend Sarah however was a whole different prospect and was flirting with me all damn night. The more we drank, the more flirty we got to the point that she said how hot (temperature wise) that she was.

I got up and went to the bar and asked them to fill a pint glass with ice cubes and went back to our table and began to rub her all over, and I do mean pretty much ALL over with the ice cubes to cool her down. I pooped one in her mouth and she bit my finger. She bit the damn thing so hard that she bit clean through my fingernail. Hurt like a bitch.

Anyways, at the end of the night she went home but we agreed to meet up. I ended up at Ian's parents house and spent the night on the couch. The upside of this was that I was woken up the next morning by the lovely catherine....



.....and of the 6 of us asleep in that room I was the only one that she brought coffee for, but I digress.

I had to meet mary later that day and told her I'd jammed my finger in a door, (she believed me), and then I left her at 5pm to get a bus back into Newcastle to meet Ian and then meet Sarah and her friend, we then caught a bus back to my home town and as my Dad was on holiday at the time (having recently divorced from my Mam), I was looking after his flat. So the 4 of us got totally wasted and drunk, but Sarah's friend wasn't as into Ian as Sarah was into me. Like I cared.

Me & Sarah hit my dad's bedroom and engaged in some heavy duty sex, which was going on when Ian walked in looking for my wallet as the shop was closing shortly and we were running low on beer. I barely even noticed him.

The 2 girls had a taxi booked at midnight, (which me bi=eing the genourous bastard I am paid for), as they had to go home and I crashed out in my dad's bed. Ian crashed on the couch.

I woke next morning at 8am and walked into the main room where Ian was sitting, cross-legged in the middle of the room, drinking a beer and smoking a joint. For some reason his first sentence that morning has always stuck as he opened a can of beer, stretched out his arm and said - "Beer dude?"

And so began a day full of drinking.

After a week or so of phone sex with both Mary AND Sarah, I pretty much decided to break it off with Sarah, (Why?? I have no idea), but I did it by just ignoring and not returning her calls.

So a week before Christmas I'm in town Christmas shopping with my Mam and Mary and we're waiting for a bus when Mary wants something from the shop, so I gave her some cash and off she went, when who fucking walked up to me??????

SARAH!!!!!

She was all, "Why haven't you called?", "You're a bastard!", and other such things, and I was shitting in case Mary came back into the middle of it all, but to give Sarah her due, she spotted Mary heading towards me and said something like "I see how it is!" and she walked off.

I bullshitted Mary that it was some chick Ian had sex with and she wanted to know why he hadn't called and as she hated Ian too (I'm seeing a theme here), she believed it.

I finished that day off by having a totally amazing blowjob off Mary right outside her bedroom door in her parent's house as they were sitting downstairs. I later ended up ditching Mary for Kelly - Go figure. If I'd known then what i know now.

Anyways, as I'm now officially old and a born again virgin, i just thought I'd share that little episode.

[Morty]

Well, at least you can remember it. That's a plus.

[WillRiker]

Well, at least you can remember it. That's a plus.

Remember what??

Dammit, it's gone.

[Lady Dee]

Well Glad that you have the memory, now if only you could fulfill some of it again!

[Irondog]

MMMMMMMMMM these photo's look like the ones I saw somewhere else

Where are the photo's proving that you story is true

Never mind......the thought of you naked makes me

Now I know why Kelly doesn't have sex with you

[WillRiker]

Of course they're ones you saw somewhere else.

Her name is Catherine, she gets Kat for short, if you remember she was called Katie, Catherine/Katie.

Come on dog, it's not that difficult to work out is it?

[I Promise To Return To MTW Since I Have Been Banned]

Will, I won't go into details no one wants to hear, but I imagine my hubby thought I had taken a vow of celibacy a few years ago too, but then something hit me like a ton of bricks about two years ago and after two more months of celibacy (yes, I was trying to make a point through this), I broke down one night I mentioned how incredibly horney I'd gotten and poor Dave has never been the same. I imagine if you stay around Kelly long enough that phase will hit her too and your butt is in deep trouble when it does. Enjoy peace now; enjoy piece later...what can I say? (Hang in there.)

[WillRiker]

Nope not Kelly.

She can't even stand being touched particularly, by anyone. She's strange like that.

However, sex, in my opinion is not the be all end all of a relationship and without Kelly I would actually be dead right now, (and I don't mean figuratively speaking), so there things to be thankful for, although I'm sure some don't see it that way.

[Maximal]

hey as long as you are happy in your relationship and not trying to fly to another country to have sex with other cuties you perfectly fine.