Little Johnny

[PPFLIGHT]

Little Johnny
LITTLE JOHNNY ON PHILOSOPHY:

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that¹s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is Œthe one with the wedding ring on,¹ but I like your thinking."

LITTLE JOHNNY ON MATH:

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an "F" in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked me, 'How much is 2x3?'" "I said, Œ6¹," replies Johnny. "But that¹s right," said the father.

Johnny continued, "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That¹s what I said!" exclaimed Johnny.

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ENGLISH:

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, Class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that¹s a mouthful."

Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you¹re thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE JOHNNY ON GRAMMAR:

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is "urinate."

Please use the word "urinate" in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit then says, "You¹re an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you¹d be a TEN!"

LITTLE JOHNNY ON ADVANCED GRAMMAR:

One day during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress,and

she looked beautiful in it." Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautifully. She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful Ã…Â just fucking beautiful!'"

LITTLE JOHNNY ON GETTING OLDER

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one the man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn¹t good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business!"