Notification to all staff regarding language

[neebog]

Notification to all staff regarding language

It has come to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to the complaints from some employees who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do realize, however, the importance of staff being able to express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the human resources department, in line with company policy, have compiled a list / Code of Practice as shown on the table below. This code of replies and phrases ( C.R.A.P.) will allow the proper exchange of ideas / information to continue in an effective manner, without risking offence to our more sensitive co-workers.


OLD PHRASE NEW PHRASE
No f*cking way = I'm fairly sure that is not feasible
You're f*cking joking = Really
Tell someone who gives a f*ck = Have you run that by..............
No c*nt told me = I was not involved in that project
I don't have f*cking time = Perhaps I can work late
Who f*cking cares = Are you sure that is the problem
Eat shit and die = You don't say
Eat shit and die, Mother F*cker = You don't say, sir
Kiss my arse = So you would like me to help you
He's a f*cking prick = He's somewhat sensitive
This place is f*cked = We are a little disorganised today
What sort of f*ck-wit are you? = You're new here aren't you?
F*ck off shit head = Well, there you go
You are a f*cking w*nker = You are my team leader and I respect you
Ha! Suck eggs = I wasn't here that day
You are f*cking paranoid = So you're from Glasgow?
You are f*cking useless = So you're from Bradford?
F*ck off = I'll look into it and get back to you