Things I've Learned From Movies

[Jezza]

During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Wearing a vest or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

When in love, it is customary to burst into song.

When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.

Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.

If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

Freelance helicopter pilots are always eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organizations - even though the job will require them to shoot total strangers and will end in their own certain death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.

All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of operating systems or configuations.

Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a bow tie.

When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.

Having a job of any kind will make father's forget their son's eighth birthday.

Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.

The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

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Aaaugh! - a humor archive ... So funny, it hurts.

[Purple Dragon]

im safe from aliens i have a laptop.and a tardis...they were great reading

[mommysalomi]

Did anyone else try to figure out a specific movie for a specific quote ??? I did got a few...

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

I used to wonder this then Jason told me, they do that so they dont accidently use a real phone number.. Otherwise people would call all the time.. For real look at waht happened with 867-5309 EVERYONE tried that number at least once


I know we'd get stoned and think it was funny to call the number and ask for Jenny..{yeah it had to be the pot} but this guy that would answer would get so pissed..I knew we were not the only ones calling him. Wonder if he went over the deep end..

[WillRiker]

Some pretty cool ones in there..

However...

Originally Posted by Jezza

If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river - or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.

Mythbusters proved that this is in fact true. Bullets from handguns can penetrate water to a few feet, but most bullets actually expend their kinetic energy on contact with the surface of the water and shatter rather than cut through the water and kill you....although I think you'd be fucked either way if you just hid in a bath full of water.