Marriage Definitions

[smilin heinz]

Marriage Definitions

BACHELOR:
1) A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make
some woman miserable.
2) A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
3) A man who never makes the same mistake once.
4) A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of
her alimony.
5) A person who believes in life, liberty, and the
happiness of pursuit.
6) The only man who has never told his wife a lie.

BRIDE:
A woman with a fine prospect
of happiness behind her.
CAD:
A man who doesn't tell his wife
that he's sterile until she's
pregnant.

COMPROMISE:
An amiable arrangement between husband and wife
whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

DIPLOMAT:
A man who can convince his wife she would look
fat in a fur coat.

GENTLEMAN:
1) A husband who steadies the stepladder so that
his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.
2) A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks
it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.

HOUSEWORK:
What the wife does that nobody notices until she
doesn't do it.

HUSBAND:
1) A man who gives up
privileges he never realized he had.
2) A person who is the boss of his
house and has his wife's permission
to say so.

JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT:
A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the
husband to the draw.

LOVE:
An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

MISS:
A title with which we brand unmarried women to
indicate that they are in the market.

MISTRESS:
Something between a mister and a mattress.

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace
of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

MRS.:
A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings,
and no recognition.

SPOUSE:
Someone who will stand by you through
all the trouble you wouldn't have had
if you'd stayed single in the first
place.

WIFE:
A mate who is forever complaining
about not having anything to wear at
the very same time that she complains
about not having enough room in the closet.


( I got this as and e-mail, and cleaned it up this time, see I'm a learning monkey!!)

[lilmamma]

those were classics my fave was

MISTRESS:
Something between a mister and a mattress.

thats a good one

[smilin heinz]

Mine favorite is:

HUSBAND:


2) A person who is the boss of his
house and has his wife's permission
to say so.

[lilmamma]

thats a good one too!

[SmileyBoo]

[Purple Dragon]

cad was my fav.brilliant so funny