Why Scotsmen make the best lovers

[hibby1875]

For her daytime chatshow, Oprah decided to explore the differing techniques men in Europe use to excite there partners in the bedroom.

To find out, she invited an Italian, a Frenchman and a Scotsman onto the show.

Oprah asked them: 'what do you do in the bedroom to drive your women wild?'

The Italian, all swarthy and smug, replied: 'to driva my bella donna wild I carry her over to the bed, I rub una little olive oil into her nakeda body and lick it all off!'

The Frenchman, looking to impress further, said: 'when I want to drive mon cherie wild, I cover le bed weeth rose petals and ply her weeth le finest champaigne and le chocolates. Zen I peel her clothes off weeth mon teeth!'

The Scotsman, looking a bit bemused, thinks for a minute then replies:
'Well, a dinnae ken aboot thae buggers, but a come intae the bedroom, jump on the missus and fire intae her for a wee dod ae time.'

Oprah, on hearing this, asked: 'And this drives her wild?'

'Naw!' the Scotsman said: 'Efter shooting ma load, a jump oot ae bed and wipe ma cock on the curtains*. That drives her fuckin' APESHIT!!!'



*drapes for our US/canadian friends.

Apologies for my attempts at putting Italian/French accents into writing (not easy). No apologies for the Scottish version, as it is totally accurate, even if you can't understand it!

[EvilTwin]

i always call em curtains...but then again texas is pretty much its own country so...

[BunnyMan]

we could only wish eviltwin... we never even really wanted you... it just kinda happened.
Anyway, yeah, curtains isn't exactly a term unknown in America. Blinds, Curtains, and Drapes are all about equally said around here. (Even though blinds are different)

[hibby1875]

Apologies for my cultural ignorance.

Incidentally, do you have beef curtains over there?

[BunnyMan]

No, we politely asked your mom to go back home.

[hibby1875]

Nice one, I asked for that!

[BunnyMan]

So long as your self aware.