Maintenance Humor...You're Gonna' Love This One!

[I Promise To Return To MTW Since I Have Been Banned]

After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot
completes, and then the mechanics read and correct the problem.

They then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial
action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next
flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as
submitted by QUANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never
had an accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.>

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

[TheatreMaid]

My brother repairs heliocopters for the US Marine Corps. He had a pilot that turned in a request that "the lever didn't didn't seem to work in the O-F-F position. My brother was just like....No shit?!

[SSgt Shak]

On AWACS they have what they call Weapons Director. One time the Weapons Director made a write up in the forms saying his seat was hard to move around. Are corrective action was, "R2 weak WD, ops ck good." R2 meaning removed and replaced.

[lil shorty]