No wonder they say it's all in the chemistry!

[I Promise To Return To MTW Since I Have Been Banned]

Substance: Women

Chemical system: Wow
Manufacturer: God
Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm
2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
3. Boils at nothing.
4. Freezes without reason.
5. Melts with special reason.
6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.
8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points.
9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive substances.
3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.
4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental.
2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned.

SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION

1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.
2. Turns green when compared to better specimens.

HAZARDS

1. May explode spontaneously without cause.
2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.
3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards


Chemical Propeties of Men

ELEMENT : Man
Note: Chemical Properties of Women was run yesterday
SYMBOL: Ma
DISCOVERER: Eve (discovered by accident when she had a craving for ribs)
OCCURRENCE: Often found near dual element Wo (Women), usually in high concentrations surrounding a perfect Wo specimen.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Surface is often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts when treated properly.
3) Can cause headaches
4) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo
5) Gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature, as specimen ages
6) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
7) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
2) May react with several Wo isotopes in a short period under extremly favorable conditions.
3) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
4) Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
5) Will be fairly inert and repellant to most other elements when saturated with alcohol.
6) Is repelled by most common household appliances and cleansers.
7) Is repelled by small children in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

STORAGE:

1) Best results near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

USES:

1) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo.
2) Can be used in recreational activities.

TESTS:

1) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity
2) Reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.

CAUTION:
1) May react extremely violently when another Ma interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.