Forum: Jokes, Jokes and more Jokes!

Warning Important Warning for Men Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally...

What gender is it? If you're like most people, common everyday items look inert to you. But what you may not know is that many of them have a gender. For example . . . Ziploc Bags - Male, because they hold everything in but you can see right through them Copier - Female, because once...

Golf Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said,...

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gagged

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two." The...

Alarm clocks rings for 6AM (MADE IN JAPAN). While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his...

A man was driving along a rural Alabama road in his beat up old Dodge, when suddenly it broke down. He was parked on the side of the road trying fix it, when a Jaguar pulled up in front of him and offered to help. After a few minutes the two men obviously werent going to get the old car going...

Night Before Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse. No kids lived with me, so I thought I would chatter. There'd be no damn reindeer, and so stupid clatter. There'd be no fat elf, coming through my...

Christmas Cop On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says "Yeah." The cop says "Well, next year tell Santa to put a...

Twas The Day After Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin' even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head. Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, While upstairs the family...

To cut costs, a managing director is forced to sack an employee. After much thought, he narrows it down to just two people: young Debbie and young Jack. Both have near identical performance records and it's a tough decision. After hours of deliberation, he's still undecided, so he makes it...

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

Santa's a She I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe Santa's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even...

Carols CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHIATRICALLY CHALLENGE Tis the season. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Hearing III Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris...

Hearing Three old pilots walking on the ramp. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Lets go get a beer."

Holiday Memo MERRY CHRISTMAS, I MEAN HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! December 1st TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional Christmas...

After the funeral service for a woman who had just passed away, the pallbearers accidentally bumped into a wall, jarring the casket. They heard a faint moan, opened the casket and found that the woman was alive! She lived ten more years and finally died. A ceremony was held at the same...

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

DROOL Q: What does it mean when a redneck¹s baby drools out of both sides of its mouth? A: The trailer is level.

PACK MY PJs A man phones home from his office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour...

A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told her she needed more activity and recommended sex three times a week. She said to the doctor, "Please, tell my husband." The doctor goes out in the waiting room and tells the husband that his wife needs to have sex three times a...

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When...

ADOPTION After years of wondering why he didn't look like his brothers, Lloyd finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were, son," his mother said as she started to cry softly, "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."

An older couple from Oklahoma are traveling out to California to see the grandkids. While passing through Arizona, they get pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer walks up to the car and says to the old man, "Can I see your driver's license?" "What¹d he say?" asked the old woman, hard of...

A newlywed couple is bargain hunting. They come across an unusual mirror that the shop owner claims has "magical powers." They buy the mirror and place it on the back of their bedroom door. One day, the wife decides to test the mirror out, and while looking into the mirror, she says, "Mirror,...

Two kids were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father. One boy said, "My father is better than your father." The other kid said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother." The first boy paused, "I guess you're right. My fathers says the same thing."

Rudolph's Journal Well, he asked me to do it... AGAIN. Of course, I should've seen this one coming. All the signs were there. I guess I just hoped maybe this year would be different. I detest the fat bastard, I really do. My hatred for him though pales in comparison to how I feel about the...

Just Fred A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. "Fred," he replies. 'Fred...

Doctor Visit An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, may we help you?" "There's something wrong with my pecker," he replied. The receptionist became aggravated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and...