Forum: Jokes, Jokes and more Jokes!

Week 1 How to fill up the ice cube trays. (Step by step, with slide presentation.) Week 2 The toilet paper roll: do they grow on the holders? (Round table discussion.) Week 3 Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat up and avoiding the floor/walls and...

1.) Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It should look something like this: SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS 2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER 628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM 719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE 3546 MB RAM 432323...

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be...

Blind Bunny, Meet Blind Snake: One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see." "That's...

Biggest Pee Pee: There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, 'Who's got the Biggest Pee Pee'". "How do you play that?" asked the redneck....

Money For Next Life: A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that...

What's it's name: This guy walks into a bar and two steps in; he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink." When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All...

Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty, and so is your head. Love may be beautiful,

Bush/Cheney '04: "You're either with us or against us!" Bush/Cheney '04: Apocalypse Now! Bush/Cheney '04: Because the truth just isn't good enough. Bush/Cheney '04: Compassionate Colonialism Bush/Cheney '04: Deja-voodoo all over again!

Bar Room Translations 1. "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME." (We won't be here long enough to get another round.) 2. "I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU." (Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.) 3. "HEY, WHERE IS...

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Who's Your Daddy The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms: 01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins; child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am...

Improving the system... An old Cherokee chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking the ceremonial pipe and eyeing the US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for 90 years. You have observed his wars and his...

They're back - Darwin Awards!! 2003 Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners for 2003. The 2003 Darwin Award Winners: 1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his...

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Groaner Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry", said the first one. "Me, too" said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. ...

Questions A Mother is driving her little girl to her friends house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite." "Ok," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now...

Dear Tide, I have always used your product ever since my college days, because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago, I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She made a comment about my drinking...

Blonde Joke 21, 21, 21 There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying,"21, 21, 21..." Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says, "What are you doing?" The brunette replies, "Just counting." The blonde says, "May I join you?"

If you ever testified in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this Cop. A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this: Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person...

Relationship Joke So Much Fun A suspicious husband hired a private eye to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's activities. A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch...

Blonde Joke A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop...

Adult Joke Low Sperm Count A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as...

First Thing to do after Jail Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, "F.F." His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F." Out on the highway, he...

Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: 10."They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9."This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably...

http://ww12.e-tractions.com/snowglobe/globe.htm (be sure to shake your globe now and then, and have a happy holiday :)...

51 Ways to Annoy Everybody 1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. ...