Forum: Jokes, Jokes and more Jokes!

think is is very funny but it is a bit serious aswell Below is an actual letter sent to a Bank. The Bank Manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Guardian. Dear Sir, I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last...

Here are a few News items I found, you really couldn't make these up... SEX ACT 'CAUSED CRASH' : A woman charged with causing a fatal car crash has claimed she could not have been behind the wheel - because she was performing oral sex on the driver. Businessman Neil Esposito was killed...

am a very tall man (6'10"). I was once on a flight from Auckland, New Zealand to a small town way down on the extreme souther tip of the South Island called Invercargill. The plane I was flying in was very old propellar driven thing, I think it was a C47 Goonie Bird. The toilet was...

One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries. Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely...

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed. “What’s that gong for?� the friend asks him. “It’s not a gong,� the drunk replies. “It’s a...

Pick up lines that may get you killed: If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning! How do you like your eggs: poached,...

BLOW JOBS - WHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT ; First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. Extension to rule...

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged that they had for the past five years covertly funded a project with US auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last...

The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong....

During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R & R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, and then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a...

An elderly man walked into a confessional booth. The following conversation ensued: Man: "I am 82 years old, and have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many Children , grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. For some reason, they thought I...

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a mans' penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more ...

A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill, rolls down the window and asks the little man what's wrong. "I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man. "Well,"...

A man had to go to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at the Motel in town, he found that he had a lot of time before the meeting. He asked the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given directions on how to get there. While playing on...

Recently, a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that...

RESUME OF GEORGE W. BUSH: Past work experience: I ran for Congress and lost. I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a...

The married Man's Score Board (NOTE: a score of "0" means it was expected of him) Simple Duties ------------ * You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5 * But return with beer: -5 * You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0 * You check out a suspicious...

You shouldn't bet A deaf mute walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it. ...

Give Life A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the desert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun, "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at...

Needing a Push A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to...

Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers This one is for all of you who either: a) have kids, b) have kids who have now grown, c) was a kid, d) know a kid! Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers

The Corridor A beautiful young girl was about to undergo a minor operation. She lay on a rolling bed and the nurse brought her into the corridor. Before entering the room, the nurse left her behind the surgery room door to go in and check if everything was ready. A young man wearing a white...

Gynecologist Appointment One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns...

How yodeling began Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?...Not really? Back in the olden days, a man was traveling through Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching, and the man had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the...

PMS During a sermon, the preacher says to his congregation, "The Bible covers everything. I challenge anyone to name a subject I can't find in the Good Book." A woman in a back pew raises her hand and asks, "What about PMS?" Caught by surprise, the preacher nervously thumbs through the...

Stinky Confessions A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating,...

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Unfortunately, I think I have fallen foul of quite a few of these..... WARNING : The consumption of alcohol...... may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. may make you think you are whispering when you are not. is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a...

You Say Deserter, I Say More Dessert... by Michael Moore January 27, 2004 Friends,