Forum: Jokes, Jokes and more Jokes!

10) "Are my affairs in order?" 09) "Why is the counter kid wearing a hazmat suit?" 08) "Will the hot sauce kill the bacteria?" 07) "Is this how they poisoned that Russian spy?" 06) "Do I really want to succumb to a taco-related death?"

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear...

A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three...

Three guys were stranded on a desert island. They find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. ''You know,'' said one of the explorers, ''we should name this place we're hiking through.'' ''I know,'' said the second explorer. ''We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that.'' ''Okay,'' said the third, ''I'll...

Short & Funny (like Irondog) I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes." ~~~~~ ...

Why is Laura Bush always on top wheh she and George make love? Because George can only fuck up.

A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan. "What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager. "I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach." "I don't think we can give you a loan," was the reply so the guy...

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. ...

BLONDE BRIEFS How are a blondes like spaghetti? They squirm when you eat them. What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of a pool? An air bubble. What do you call 10 blondes in a row? A wind tunnel.

MMMMM,,,Imagine it's the year of 2050 --------------------------------------- Two very elderly friends, Max and Willy, met in the park every day to drink beer, feed the pigeons, drink beer and watch the squirrels,drink beer ,watch babes with big tits,drink beer and discuss world problems.One day...

Cleaning Poem I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I'd been 'putering', And I had to answer "yes." He told me to get off my fanny And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up...

Heyy look at me !! I remember the post icon !!! The Broken Mower ----------------------------------------- When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car,...

Yesterday I was taking a break in the back garden after nasty storms, and my wife upstairs was having a shower. I couldn't find the rake so I yelled up to her: "Honey, where's the rake?". She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?". I pointed to my eye, then I pointed to my knee and...

Why does the easter bunny hide the eggs??:bunny:

1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody's horny. 2. In an imaginary world, "I really like spending time with you" and "you're cool" mean I REALLY like spending time with you and you ARE cool. In...

Women's Needs I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE One evening last week, my girlfriend and...

Top Ten Messages Left On Fidel Castro's Answering Machine 10) "Yo, it's Raul. Where's the key to the humidor?" 09) "It's Blockbuster. Please return 'Girls of The Revolution Gone Wild'" 08) "Which fatigues do you want to be buried in, the olive green ones, or the slightly darker olive green...

Sign above urinal: Please do not throw cigarette butts in the urinal. Scrawled underneath: It makes them soggy and hard to light. "No matter how good he looks, some other girl is sick and tired of putting up with his crap."

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital during her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.:wank: "Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?" The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,...

Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a...

Kissing Birds Have you heard about the new disease you get from kissing birds? It's called cherpies... It's one of those new canarial diseases.... It's untweetable.

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couples' house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in- law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing," the mother-in-law asked. "I am waiting for my husband to come home from work," the...

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed...

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your...

* What does this button do? * It's probably just a rash. * Are you sure the power is off? * Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it? * The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!

Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan and Iraq and...

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A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a gin and tonic. The bartender sneers "you ain't frome round here are you boy?" "Im from Pennysylvania" replies the guy The bartender asks 'what do you do there?" The guy repies "i'm a taxidermist" The bartender laughs "what the hell is that boy?"...