Got a joke? Share it! Want to read some good ones? This is the place!
This chick walks into a doctor's office and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute, so she does. The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks "do you know what I'm doing now" and she replies...
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25." The woman looked...
Do you lay awake in bed, wondering how life got so good? Is your life falling in line with all your hopes and dreams? Are you afflicted with an unrelenting urge to smile once or more per day? Do you consider yourself to be a genuinely happy person? Fear not! We have the remedy to...
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude. It seems she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to...
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the married...
The hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The first night the hillbilly anxiously jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready for a little romance. His new bride comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says "Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a...
THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T... "Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you...
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!” The teacher had had...
God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over. He couldn't decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so he thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's...
1. "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." -- Drew Carey. 2. "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, so have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the...
A young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying. So the husband inquires, "What's wrong Honey?" ...
One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees. When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, "That's it for you. No honey for a week." Well, then the little boy went to the front yard of the...
The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked: "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?" After...
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon. "Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked. "Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For...
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the...
An elephant asks a camel "Why are your boobs on your back ??...
2 dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits, Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty...
1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother. 2) How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from. 3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps...
Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"... Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?" Good girls never go after another girl's man... Bad girls go after him AND his brother. Good girls wear white cotton panties... Bad girls don't wear any. Good girls wax their floors...
...woman sitting in jelly have her ass in jam. ...man with penis in peanut butter, fucking nuts. ...man who puts penis in vaccuum cleaner, get sucked off. ...boy who lay girl on hill, not on level. ...man who lose key to girlfriend apartment, get no new-key! ...he who finger girl during...
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time. Dijon vu: the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating: always use...
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long) 2) Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.) 3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection) 4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day. 2. Nice legs...what time do they open? 3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. 4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?
TWO TAMPONS WERE CROSSING THE STREET. THEY SEE A FRIEND. WHICH ONE WAVES? NEITHER, THEY ARE BOTH STUCK UP CUNTS. ------------ Yo mammas breath so nasty that when she burps her teeth have to duck ------
Calvin and Hobbes Snow Art Gallery I like his art! lmao lmao lmao
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall....
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married: The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I...
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,"' asked the lawyer. Farmer...
A man is sitting on his front step staring morosely at the ground when his neighbour strolls over. The neighbour tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbour asks what the problem is. "Well," the man says, "I ran afoul of one of those...
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