Forum: Jokes, Jokes and more Jokes!

There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement." Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt." Then...

Blaming The Dog A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a...

Vengence Is Mine! One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his dick in a vice. Utterly terrified, the man...

After The Honey One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband...

Change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 1 to move it to...

What's The Difference... What's the difference between a penis and a prick? A penis is fun, sexy and satisfying... A prick is the guy who owns it. :biggrin:

Advantages Of Being A Woman Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look...

How Fights Start My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...

A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed. They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure; she was shaking and foaming at the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible - best sex...

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. 'He's a funeral...

In preparation for the BBQ season it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cookingactivity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are putinto motion: (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the...

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a...

A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide. One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing. "Yes, but you know how I love to fish..." "But aren't you newlyweds...

A man, dying from thirst, was crawling through the desert. He crawled over a hill and sees a little bar surrounded by cars. He crawls in the front door and up to the bar. He chokes out the word, "Water!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Got any money?" The guy shakes his head no and again...

There's a young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I squeeze past you?" "Why don't you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You'll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you." "OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and...

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill. "What was that?" The others asked her. "Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a...

Blonde paint job A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will...

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The...

The bride tells her husband The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we...

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India . The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job..' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?" His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself...

"So Bob, did you hear the news this morning?" "Yeah, something about the sale prices on fresh organs going up..." A screwdriver?... This can't be right. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness. After everything we did, I can't believe this guy is still alive. Ah well, you win...

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget...

A refuse collector is driving along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his compactor. He goes to one house where the bin hasn't been left out, and in the spirit of kindness, and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck goes to the front door...

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call my dog Sex . Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, Id like to have one too. Then I said, But this is a dog. He said I didnt care what she...

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway. The first one did not have anything to...

A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily...

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...Any part under a car's hood. Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male...Playing football with only three defenders. 3. COMMUNICATION...

Just been to the gym,found a new machine there ,worked it for an hour until I could take no more .......Mars bars, Snickers ,KitKat, cola , chips etc .phew :lol: :lol:

A Canadian Army N.C.O. was about to start the morning-briefing to all of his staff. While waiting for the coffee-machine to finish its brewing, the N.C.O. decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, and therefore he...