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11-09-2004, 08:10 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Your Twisted Leader  Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 7,725
   | Smoking Pigeon
My GF told IronDog to ask me about this story and I told him tonight. But I figured I should share it with the rest of you since its one of my experiences as a kid that will never be forgotten. . . . Back in the neighborhood I was born and raised in, my friends and I would always play ball. Whether it be baseball, kickball, soccer,  , or tossing the frisbee around. Anywho, there was this one asian dude that lived alone and whenever one of our balls would go in his backyard, he would toss the thing back over the wall usually within 24 hours, but it would be popped or just cut to ribbons.What a dick! And its not like this dude had prize winning roses that were being fucked up. Or even glass patio furniture that might break. He had fucking nothing in his backyard. Half of it was brick, the other half was grass. And he didn't even have bushes. He had one little tree in the corner that he kept in place strictly because it filled a void between his wall and the neighbors wall. Well, to make a short story longer, we didn't like this dude very much. Mainly because we did nothing wrong and he was always an asshole. But we got our chance back at him. Me being the kid with the imagination, and my friends being the eager bastards to follow through with my ideas, we set out to find a dead pigeon from the alley. We got a dead pigeon, cut its butthole out a little bigger and slipped one of our exploding smoke bombs up its dead ass. Leaving part of it out enough to smoke and be ignited of course.  Step 2 of my master plan was to tie a bunch of rubber bands together and make two separate springy strings basically. Tied one rubber band string to each wing and spread the wings out and tied the other ends to the iron work columns holding the Asian dude's front porch roof up. So we got this pigeon to be floating about 4-5 feet above the ground, wings spread apart so it looks like its soaring in at the door. One friend ready to press the doorbell. Me pulling down on the pigeon a little bit with one hand while my other friend pulled out the lighter ready to ignite the smoke bomb. Got the smoke bomb lit, other friend hits the doorbell, I let go of the pigeon and this thing is flopping up and down and springing all over the fricken place as we run as fast as we can across the street and dive into the hedge. Staying as quiet as we can, trying not to shake from laughter and not piss our pants from sheer joy, we eagerly look back across at the flopping, smoking pigeon. Asian dude opens the front door and has the biggest look of disgust I have ever seen in my life as he stares at this dead pigeon flopping around with smoke coming out of its ass. POW! The fucking bird exploded. Nothing but a fluff of feathers in the air, pigeon guts on the dude, and hanging from each column is a rubber band holding 1 wing. So we were stuck in the hedges for about 2 hours as the Asian guy cleaned up the mess on his porch and then we waited about another hour in the hedges for it to get dark just in case he was peaking out the window waiting to see who did it. I don't think my stomach has ever been in so much pain from trying not to laugh out loud in my life. I miss being an evil kid. Those were the days. Mind you I was about 9 years old at the time.
__________________ My bologna has a first name its...... um.... shit. I forget its name. God damnit  |
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11-09-2004, 08:17 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| KING OF MEAN  Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,211
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I have to say that it was even funnier to read than to have you tell me over the radio.  Can't wait to show my wife this one just so she sees that I'm not the only twisted kid growing up But I do have one question, are you sure that you cut the butt open or was there another 9 year old experiment going on 
__________________ "What we have is a failure to communicate" |
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11-09-2004, 08:21 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Your Twisted Leader Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 7,725
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I actually didn't cut it open or stuff it. Like I said, I'm the one that had the imagination. My friends did most of the nasty or dangerous parts. I still participated because that's the fun part, but I got them to do some of the nastier things I came up with.
__________________ My bologna has a first name its...... um.... shit. I forget its name. God damnit |
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11-10-2004, 07:00 PM
| #7 (permalink) | |
| KING OF MEAN Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,211
| Quote:
so don't think your going to put a smoke bomb up my butt even with the help of your sick friends :P
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