How did I ever survive?

**Irondog** · 08-21-2005, 07:36 PM

I was talking to LiL tonight breifly, and she asked when I was going to tell another one of my childhood stories.
Funny, I thought I'd told you all the best that I had to offer but then decided to actually think way back to when I really became entertaining.
Seems it started at a very young age for me. Story has it, one that has been past down from my parents to the rest of my strange but amusing family, that when I was about 2 years old we had a cat that loved to pounce on me and claw the shit out of me. Well as my Dad tells it, seems that one night I had decided to fix the little bastard and proceeded to grab a plastic baseball bat and hide around the corner and wait for it to come walking past. I guess that I waited for several hours, hoping that the cat would need to get some water. Well low and behold the shit got thirsty and started for the water bowl. My dad says that he and my mom both saw me raise the bat high above my head and just as the cat walked past the wall......BAMMMM!
The little bastard didn't even know what hit him. Layed him out all over the floor and when it came to realized that maybe it wasn't a good idea to mess with me anymore.
Now for all you cat lovers that want to string my ass up right now, remember that I was only 2 years old at the time of this offense. SO piss off. The cat got what he deserved....

Well as time went on, I developed this unbelievable knack for smarting off. I know what your saying, I found it hard to believe myself, but I did.It didn't matter if it was other kids, older kids,teachers or parents. I would speak before I thought things through clearly.Lets just say that I spent an awful lot of time in the principals office. Well one time that comes to mind I was playing a game of "Butt's UP", for those of you who don't know what that is let me tell you even to this day I'm an excellent shot with the little hard racketball we use to use for this game. Seems like every time one of the upper classman that liked to pick on me got his turn at the wall to have the rest of us throw the ball at his Butt....I was the one person that could always hit him in the nuts instead of the Butt. This usually meant a beating latter at some point in the day, but man was it worth it. Well one guy that failed to catch the ball correctly ended up on the wall and as I got my turn the principal told me to keep it clean. I looked at her, laughed and proceeded to NAIL HIM IN THE NUTS as hard as I could. As I was being drug to her office for yet another paddling, the kid decided to take a shot at me with the ball while she was holding me. Well I busted lose from her grip, grabbed the ball and proceeded to nail him in the nuts a second time while on the run. This time he ended up going to the hospital to get one of his nuts to drop back down in the sac.
Well I spent like a month in detention for that one but because the principal had held me while he threw the ball at me I figured she needed a little pay back.This is the part of the story that I'm not sure if I've told it before but this is what happened. Me and some of my little hoodlum friends decided to find as many snakes as possible and fill her car with them. She came out of the bldg after a long day and got into her car to go home. Now mind you, we had waited almost 4 hours for her to leave. Well she backed out and started to drive down the street when all of the sudden she slammed on the brakes and came screaming out of the car.Snakes were everywhere and she was practically pissing herself. I don't think I'll ever forget the terror in her voice or how hard we laughed for doing it to her.
Many years later, like when I was in my 30's I finally told my mom , who just happened to be this ladies friend, what I had done to her. 15 years wasn't long enough to wait. She just about kicked my ass.
I know I sure miss the old days when you could steal the city police car and drive it to the next town and pull people over that you didn't like, or stuff M1000 wrapped in electricians tape with a long fuse up the exhaust of a friends car and blow the muffler clean off the car. Kids these days just don't get to experience the fun like I did.

SSgt Shak · 08-21-2005, 07:50 PM

Thats fucking funny. ROTFLMAO

lilmamma · 08-21-2005, 07:50 PM

big man your were bad but this so damn funny!!!!!!!!!! i bet your parents had gray hairs with you ..........shit im already waitng for the next one..

i bet your princpals screams were priceless!!!!!!!!!

lil shorty · 08-21-2005, 07:58 PM

irondog i must say that that was the funniest cat abbuse stories that i have ever heard... i am a big animal lover but i was just a kid and i stuffed my 30 pound cat into a Crown Royal bag

NurseNancy · 08-21-2005, 08:49 PM

That was funny.

Kase · 08-21-2005, 09:05 PM

I was cleaning out the garage and basement due to the storms that came through and the sub-pump taking a vacation unbeknownst to me, and I found my Dad's stash of illegal fireworks (in IL, and some anywhere in the US except with certain military personel)... it was in an ammo crate, so I think it should all be ok, but there were M-1000's, bottle rockets, regular firecrackers, stuff I didn't even recognize, and I saw one official looking canister, it was some sort of green smoke for field operations that my dad... acquired... I didn't look through the whole thing yet but there is another canister in there that I haven't looked at yet, but I know he had live grenades at one time

I am planning to go out to my uncles place sometime to test some of the fireworks to make sure they are still ok, since they have been through a move and 5+ years of storage, and to identify wtf some of them are

lilmamma · 08-21-2005, 09:19 PM

hahah kase u need to take a video cam with ya when u decide to do that!!!!! that has to get interseting

Kase · 08-21-2005, 10:01 PM

I plan to take a video camera, a few cans, and some old computer crap. The only thing I plan to bring back is the video camera

. And from one of the stories I heard, one of the firecrackers I have is powerful enough to blow a hole in the ground a foot deep... and I don't think Rick intended to do that, either... once I figure out how powerful those are and how well they work I will start planning...

Bones · 08-22-2005, 01:06 AM

Oh yes the good old days. When you could paint your friends blue if they passed out at the party.

Makya · 08-22-2005, 04:04 AM

I remember on 4th of July when we were back in the states, we went to visit Jer's family in Ohio. They are just as crazy as I am. I loved every single minute of it. We ended up spending a hundred bucks on fire works. We had Jace with us and on the 4th we were all sitting around and everyone was getting drunk but me cause I was pregnant and Jer and his serogate father were shooting roman candles at the feral rabbits and shit. Well it pissed someone off and they called the cops. We couldn't even burn the sparklers.

But it was worth it. We had a hell of a time.

08-21-2005, 07:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
Irondog KING OF MEAN Premium Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 3,211	How did I ever survive? I was talking to LiL tonight breifly, and she asked when I was going to tell another one of my childhood stories. Funny, I thought I'd told you all the best that I had to offer but then decided to actually think way back to when I really became entertaining. Seems it started at a very young age for me. Story has it, one that has been past down from my parents to the rest of my strange but amusing family, that when I was about 2 years old we had a cat that loved to pounce on me and claw the shit out of me. Well as my Dad tells it, seems that one night I had decided to fix the little bastard and proceeded to grab a plastic baseball bat and hide around the corner and wait for it to come walking past. I guess that I waited for several hours, hoping that the cat would need to get some water. Well low and behold the shit got thirsty and started for the water bowl. My dad says that he and my mom both saw me raise the bat high above my head and just as the cat walked past the wall......BAMMMM! The little bastard didn't even know what hit him. Layed him out all over the floor and when it came to realized that maybe it wasn't a good idea to mess with me anymore. Now for all you cat lovers that want to string my ass up right now, remember that I was only 2 years old at the time of this offense. SO piss off. The cat got what he deserved.... Well as time went on, I developed this unbelievable knack for smarting off. I know what your saying, I found it hard to believe myself, but I did.It didn't matter if it was other kids, older kids,teachers or parents. I would speak before I thought things through clearly.Lets just say that I spent an awful lot of time in the principals office. Well one time that comes to mind I was playing a game of "Butt's UP", for those of you who don't know what that is let me tell you even to this day I'm an excellent shot with the little hard racketball we use to use for this game. Seems like every time one of the upper classman that liked to pick on me got his turn at the wall to have the rest of us throw the ball at his Butt....I was the one person that could always hit him in the nuts instead of the Butt. This usually meant a beating latter at some point in the day, but man was it worth it. Well one guy that failed to catch the ball correctly ended up on the wall and as I got my turn the principal told me to keep it clean. I looked at her, laughed and proceeded to NAIL HIM IN THE NUTS as hard as I could. As I was being drug to her office for yet another paddling, the kid decided to take a shot at me with the ball while she was holding me. Well I busted lose from her grip, grabbed the ball and proceeded to nail him in the nuts a second time while on the run. This time he ended up going to the hospital to get one of his nuts to drop back down in the sac. Well I spent like a month in detention for that one but because the principal had held me while he threw the ball at me I figured she needed a little pay back.This is the part of the story that I'm not sure if I've told it before but this is what happened. Me and some of my little hoodlum friends decided to find as many snakes as possible and fill her car with them. She came out of the bldg after a long day and got into her car to go home. Now mind you, we had waited almost 4 hours for her to leave. Well she backed out and started to drive down the street when all of the sudden she slammed on the brakes and came screaming out of the car.Snakes were everywhere and she was practically pissing herself. I don't think I'll ever forget the terror in her voice or how hard we laughed for doing it to her. Many years later, like when I was in my 30's I finally told my mom , who just happened to be this ladies friend, what I had done to her. 15 years wasn't long enough to wait. She just about kicked my ass. I know I sure miss the old days when you could steal the city police car and drive it to the next town and pull people over that you didn't like, or stuff M1000 wrapped in electricians tape with a long fuse up the exhaust of a friends car and blow the muffler clean off the car. Kids these days just don't get to experience the fun like I did. __________________ "What we have is a failure to communicate"

08-21-2005, 07:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
SSgt Shak Great White Dope Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 664	Thats fucking funny. ROTFLMAO __________________ Hello dumb dumb, you got gum gum?

08-21-2005, 07:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
lilmamma Elder Monkey Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,090	big man your were bad but this so damn funny!!!!!!!!!! i bet your parents had gray hairs with you ..........shit im already waitng for the next one.. i bet your princpals screams were priceless!!!!!!!!! __________________ One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."

08-21-2005, 07:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
lil shorty MTW Jail Bait Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 94	irondog i must say that that was the funniest cat abbuse stories that i have ever heard... i am a big animal lover but i was just a kid and i stuffed my 30 pound cat into a Crown Royal bag __________________ threw the wind and the rain she stands hard as stone

08-21-2005, 09:05 PM	#6 (permalink)
Kase Elder Monkey Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,725	I was cleaning out the garage and basement due to the storms that came through and the sub-pump taking a vacation unbeknownst to me, and I found my Dad's stash of illegal fireworks (in IL, and some anywhere in the US except with certain military personel)... it was in an ammo crate, so I think it should all be ok, but there were M-1000's, bottle rockets, regular firecrackers, stuff I didn't even recognize, and I saw one official looking canister, it was some sort of green smoke for field operations that my dad... acquired... I didn't look through the whole thing yet but there is another canister in there that I haven't looked at yet, but I know he had live grenades at one time I am planning to go out to my uncles place sometime to test some of the fireworks to make sure they are still ok, since they have been through a move and 5+ years of storage, and to identify wtf some of them are __________________ Currently trying to get a life "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity...and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

08-21-2005, 08:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
NurseNancy Cyber Whore Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 407	That was funny.

08-21-2005, 09:19 PM	#7 (permalink)
lilmamma Elder Monkey Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,090	hahah kase u need to take a video cam with ya when u decide to do that!!!!! that has to get interseting __________________ One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."

08-21-2005, 10:01 PM	#8 (permalink)
Kase Elder Monkey Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 1,725	I plan to take a video camera, a few cans, and some old computer crap. The only thing I plan to bring back is the video camera . And from one of the stories I heard, one of the firecrackers I have is powerful enough to blow a hole in the ground a foot deep... and I don't think Rick intended to do that, either... once I figure out how powerful those are and how well they work I will start planning... __________________ Currently trying to get a life "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity...and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

08-22-2005, 01:06 AM	#9 (permalink)
Bones When I walk nakid, my nuts swing in the breeze Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 2,242	Oh yes the good old days. When you could paint your friends blue if they passed out at the party. __________________ At some point in everyones life they fall down Alice's rabbit hole.

08-22-2005, 04:04 AM	#10 (permalink)
Makya MTW's Baddest Bitch Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 1,950	I remember on 4th of July when we were back in the states, we went to visit Jer's family in Ohio. They are just as crazy as I am. I loved every single minute of it. We ended up spending a hundred bucks on fire works. We had Jace with us and on the 4th we were all sitting around and everyone was getting drunk but me cause I was pregnant and Jer and his serogate father were shooting roman candles at the feral rabbits and shit. Well it pissed someone off and they called the cops. We couldn't even burn the sparklers. But it was worth it. We had a hell of a time. __________________ If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them them with bullshit.

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