[mommysalomi]

So I have to get this out there.. I'm just gonna go on and on but I really need to ... So I now take care of my sisters three kids and her and my mom.. WTF I did not sign up for all this.. I bust my ass every fucking day to clean the house do the laundry cook.. Breakfast lunch and dinner all the while getting no help from anyone.. My sister sits on her bed on the fucking phone ignoring her kids my mom hides in her room pretending life is grand and I just do and do.. Anyways I have now forgot what it is like to smile or be happy. I sit here after an argument with my 12 year old nephew wondering why I try. He started yelling at me calling me names and telling me he wishes I would just die.. This upset me and I yelled at him and my mom got upset I told her why I was yelling and now she is pissed off at me and went and treated him like a baby.. He is very lucky I didnt grab him by the throat and put his ass through the wall... So now here I am the bad guy and all this cause I asked him to shower as he has not since last week...

I have to wonder if this is worth it. Should I just throw my hands up and let them all get bent. All I am is some maid. I try to remind myself they are kids and they need me but honestly I dont know anymore.. No one appretiates anything in this fucking house..

My back has been killing me for 2 days now and I have not been able to pee since monday night.. But I still go on as really who is gonna care anyways ????

I'm close to losing my damned mind and dont know what to do. It does not help that I have no friends here to talk to....I now I could call Sinny but I cannot bother her with this as she is so happy right now... I seriously think If I did not wake in the morning it would be for the best... Well maybe not cause I mean for real who would cook and clean if I was gone????

So the title to my ramble is really a question.. When you care for everybody everyday then who's gonna care for you when you need someone to ??? I know I have my husband but the way I have been feeling he is getting the blunt end of everything and I just dont even want him to look at me anymore as I just feel so damned ugly and so full of hate for myself and I'm sorry guys I just had to get this out somehow and cant put it anywhere else as I dont want my kids to read this


PS if I try to tell my mom or sister anything they get all butthurt and want to make me feel guilty for caring