[smilin heinz]

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
idiot.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD
IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your
friends and family are really dying for you to telephone them at 4
in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
heck happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up in the
morning and see someone you really don't want to see (whose name
you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, more handsome and smarter than some really, really big guy
named "Bear."

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem
to literally "disappear".

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.